Gowher Bhat
Childhood in our times is not the childhood of yesterday. Children today grow up in a world that moves faster, sounds louder, and demands more from them than ever before. Screens glow late into the evening, school expectations rise each year, families juggle tight schedules, and outdoor play has reduced dramatically. As a result, parents and teachers everywhere share a common concern, children are behaving differently. Tantrums feel more intense, attention spans seem shorter, emotions spill over more easily, and managing behaviour requires more patience than before.
Yet, experts around the world remind us of a simple truth, behaviour is communication. When a child throws a tantrum, shuts down, cries suddenly, or refuses to cooperate, the behaviour often carries a message the child does not know how to express with words.
Renowned American child psychologist Dr. Ross Greene describes it simply, “Kids do well if they can.” In other words, when children have the skills, the emotional support, and the clarity they need, they behave well. When they do not, their frustrations show up as behaviour that adults call “difficult.” Indian psychologist Dr. Roma Kumar, who has worked extensively with school-aged children, adds that modern children carry more emotional pressure than earlier generations, often without having the vocabulary to articulate that inner weight. Their behaviour speaks for them.
Understanding the why behind a child’s actions is the foundation of effective behaviour management today.
Why Behaviour Has Changed
Over the past decade, researchers and child specialists, both in India and the United States, have pointed out several shifts affecting children’s emotional and behavioural patterns.
The pace of life is faster
Children move from school to tuition to homework with little time for rest. Their minds stay active, alert, and overstimulated. This constant rush affects emotional regulation and patience.
Screens have replaced human interaction
According to child development experts in the US, excessive screen exposure interferes with attention, sleep quality, and emotional balance. Indian paediatricians have repeatedly noted the rise of irritability and behavioural issues linked to long screen hours. Screens do not teach empathy, patience, or negotiation, and these gaps show up in behaviour.
Reduced physical play
Outdoor play is one of the most powerful ways children release energy, learn social skills, and regulate emotions. With less physical activity, the emotional energy has fewer places to go, and behavioural challenges often increase.
Higher academic expectations
Children as young as three face structured learning, assessments, and performance pressure. Dr. Vandana Prasad, a well-known Indian development expert, notes that early academic push creates unnecessary stress and reduces the space children need for emotional growth.
Family stress trickles down
Economic pressure, work tension, and social anxieties experienced by adults often shape the atmosphere children grow up in. Children absorb this stress silently, and it appears in their behaviour.
How the Child Brain Understands Emotions
Neuroscientists like Dr. Daniel Siegel from the UCLA School of Medicine explain that young children rely far more on their emotional brain than their logical brain. The prefrontal cortex, which controls judgement, patience, impulse control, and decision-making, fully develops only in the mid-twenties. Until then, children depend heavily on adults to co-regulate emotions.
When a child cries uncontrollably or reacts strongly, it is not a sign of “naughtiness”, but a sign of an overwhelmed brain trying to cope with feelings too big for its capacity.
What Misbehaviour Really Means
Most so-called “misbehaviour” falls into a few categories identified by experts.
Emotional overload
When a child is tired, hungry, overstimulated, or anxious, emotions become unmanageable. Tantrums are often signals of emotional exhaustion, not deliberate defiance.
Need for connection
Both Indian and American studies confirm that when children feel disconnected, unseen, or ignored, they often act out to draw attention. Negative attention sometimes feels better than no attention at all.
Unmet needs
Every behaviour has a function. A child hitting might be scared. A child yelling might be seeking control. A child refusing to work might feel overwhelmed. Understanding the need behind the action transforms the adult’s response.
Underlying learning or sensory challenges
For some children, behaviour reflects deeper issues such as ADHD, autism-related sensory overload, anxiety, or language delays. Such children do not need discipline first, they need understanding and support.
What Experts Say Works Best
Behaviour management today is less about discipline and more about guidance, emotional safety, and teaching skills. Here are strategies supported by psychologists and education specialists in India and the United States.
1. Build connection before correction
Dr. Laura Markham, a leading American parenting expert, says, “Children listen after they feel listened to.”
A gentle hand on the shoulder, calm eye contact, or a soft tone can settle a child’s emotional storm far better than raised voices.
2. Keep routines predictable
Consistent sleep schedules, meal times, study periods, and play time build emotional security. Dr. Roma Kumar highlights that children behave better when they feel safe in the structure of routine.
3. Name the behaviour you want to see
Instead of saying “Don’t shout,” try “Use your calm voice.”
Instead of “Stop running,” try “Let’s walk safely.”
This gives the child clarity about what is expected.
4. Use positive reinforcement
Research consistently shows that positive feedback motivates children better than criticism. A simple “I’m proud of how patiently you waited” can shape behaviour more effectively than punishment.
5. Teach emotional vocabulary
Children who can name feelings, like sad, frustrated, disappointed, lonely, or excited, learn to handle them better. Emotional literacy reduces meltdowns and improves communication.
6. Introduce calming strategies
Deep breathing, counting slowly, drinking water, taking a break, listening to soft music, or hugging a soft pillow are simple methods that help children regulate emotions.
7. Reduce screen time gradually
Experts recommend replacing screen time with reading, storytelling, outdoor play, or hobbies. Small reductions, done consistently, shift behaviour noticeably.
8. Model the behaviour you expect
Children learn more from what adults do than what adults say. Calm communication, respectful disagreements, and patience in daily interactions teach children powerful lessons.
Inside the Classroom
Teachers face the added challenge of managing groups of children at once. Behaviour specialists suggest:
- Clear expectations from the first day
- Visual schedules for younger children
- Reward systems that focus on effort
- Movement breaks between lessons
- Group activities to build empathy
- Soft, firm reminders rather than scolding
- Creating a safe space for children who need a moment to breathe
Schools that use these strategies report noticeable improvements in attention, cooperation, and classroom atmosphere.
When to Seek Professional Help
A child may need specialist attention if behaviour includes:
- Persistent aggression
- Sudden withdrawal
- Extremely short attention span
- Regression in speech or social skills
- Constant sadness
- Sleep disturbances
- Inability to cope with everyday stress
Early intervention can change a child’s trajectory dramatically. Indian child psychologists emphasize not waiting for behaviour to become “very serious” before seeking help. Early support builds confidence and reduces emotional difficulties.
A More Compassionate Way Forward
Children are not trying to trouble adults. They are trying to communicate needs, fears, confusion, pressure, or longing. Behaviour is simply the language they use until they learn the emotional vocabulary to express themselves. When adults respond with patience, empathy, structure, and clear guidance, children blossom.
As Dr. Markham gently reminds us, “Every child needs at least one adult who believes in them completely.”
If parents and teachers become that supportive presence, children will not only behave better, they will grow into stronger, calmer, kinder human beings.
(Gowher Bhat is a published author of both fiction and non-fiction, a columnist, freelance journalist, book reviewer and educator from Kashmir)